


Prefight Jitters  2.0

by Sugarfire (SephMichiRook)



Series: Simply Complicated [5]
Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Bromance, F/M, Fluff and Humor, Light Angst, M/M, Romance, episode 17-18, season 12
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-05
Updated: 2015-10-06
Packaged: 2018-04-25 01:21:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 4,398
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4941226
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SephMichiRook/pseuds/Sugarfire
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>EDIT: SEVERAL CHAPTERS HAVE BEEN EDITED TO MAKE THEM LESS CHOPPY, AND AT LEAST ONE MORE WILL BE REWORKED. HENCE THE 2.0.</p>
<p>They're about to go off to certain death to save the inhabitants of Chorus from killing each other.  Just one problem: What to do with Doctor Grey.  While Sarge and her hash out the details of her plan, the rest of the gang find a few minutes to get a few last chance things off their chests.</p>
<p>Many of these chapters fit into the other works in this series.  Links to the previous chapters will be included in the notes as they are posted.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Forgot Something

**Author's Note:**

> I had to make a series order list. [Series Order List](http://archiveofourown.org/works/4973701)
> 
> This fits into "More Than they Thought" right after [chapter one](http://archiveofourown.org/works/4934758/chapters/11323699).

“Alrighty, it’s all ready!” Dr. Grey said brightly, stepping away from Caboose’s formerly standard issue assault rifle. “How do you feel, Freckles?”

“Systems functioning normally,” the gun answered in a rather high pitched voice, considering what the AI had sounded like in his former Mantis body.

“Oh, wow, Dr. Grey, he can talk again!” Caboose exclaimed, snatching up his ‘pet’ and holding it against his chest. “This is just so awesome, you’re so great, Dr. Grey!”

“Why thank you, Caboose!” she replied sweetly. “Now just remember, those modifications won’t last too long, so when this is all over, I’ll need to fix him again.”

“Oh, yes, of course!” Caboose ran over and showed it to Wash and Tucker, who quickly began sidestepping to avoid being in front of the barrel.

“Okay, so everyone understands what they are doing, right?” Carolina asked. There were eight nods.

“I think I should go with Tucker and Caboose, in case anything goes wrong with Freckles at the last minute,” Dr. Grey said. Ten sets of optics turned toward her slowly.

“Uh…”

“Oh, shit.”

“Um, ah…”

“That’s probably not a good idea.”

“Well, then, where do you want me?” Grey asked.

They were now all looking at each other, then Tucker. “Well, Doc, it’s just….”

“You’re staying here.” Sarge stepped forward. “No offense, but this is going to be too dangerous for someone who won’t fight to come along.”

“So, what? I just sit here, waiting to find out if you succeeded?” Grey asked. “And what if you guys do fail? And everyone dies?” She walked right up to him. “Do I just sit here and wait for them to find me?”

“Sarge, she’s right,” Wash said. “We can’t leave her here.”

“Well, we can’t take her. It ain’t right,” Sarge said, not looking away from Grey.

“Could we have a few seconds?” Grey said with a smile in her voice.

“Yeah, you guys do that,” Carolina said. “But we need to leave as soon as possible.”

“Sarge, my office, please,” Grey said.

“After you, ma’am,” he replied, and the two of them headed into the gas station.

“Everyone take a few minutes, get your heads on straight,” Wash said. “We only have one shot at this. Make sure you’re prepared. ”

 

 

                                                                                                                     *******

 

 

“This sucks,” Grif said to Simmons. The Blues had wandered off in one direction so Tucker and Epsilon could get used to actually working together, instead of Church just riding shotgun. Caboose had gone with them, because Caboose. The Freelancer Wonder Twins had done the same, saying something about strategy. They had left Donut and Lopez behind, because ‘heads on straight’ did not include listening to those to trying to communicate.

“Yeah. We’re all going to die, and they’re acting like an old married couple,” Simmons said dryly, looking at the gas station. He was well aware of the irony, considering he was bitching with what Tucker had ‘lovingly’ dubbed his canyon husband.

“That too,” Grif acknowledged. “But there was so much I wanted to do, and now I’m never going to do it.”

“Like a planetary tour of the universe’s best burger joints?” Simmons asked, still very dry.

“Yeah! Or playing through all the endings of Half Life 4! I only got through two,” Grif said. "I was just so close to half way."

“Well, unless anything on your bucket list can be done here, you’re just going to have to figure out how you’re going to survive without hiding in a corner if you want do them,” Simmons said. He actually took two more steps before he realized Grif had stopped. “Wait, you’re telling me there is something here you can actually do?”

Grif nodded slowly. “Yeah, actually, there is. You mind waiting a minute?”

“Sure,” Simmons said. “What is it?”

“Uh, just, something I need to do in private,” Grif said, heading toward the back caves where the others had gone. “God damn it, Grif, that’s Tucker’s thing!” Simmons yelled as Grif actually ran out of sight. “Damnit.”

 


	2. Woefully Outmatched Knight Vs Insanely Intelligent Lady

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sarge is going to convince Doctor Grey to stay at the gas station. Who says chivalry is dead? :snicker:

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This will fit after "Lavender Surprise" chapter one. [Puzzled](http://archiveofourown.org/works/4989781/chapters/11462386)
> 
> And no, I really couldn't type that summery with a straight face.
> 
> This has been edited.

Sarge growled. It was the only way to describe the deep raspy hum that came out of him. Well, the only way with one word, because deep raspy hum worked, too. Grunt, maybe? It was abrupt, but gravelly. Whatever it was, it was an displeased sound, one he made often, but it was the first time she'd heard it aimed at her.

“You need to stay here, where it’s safe,” he said, holstering his shotgun as soon as they entered the back part of the gas station that had once been a diner.

“I’m sorry, but I have to disagree. I’m much more useful there than here,” she said. “What if one of you gets hurt? I’d be very handy to have on hand.”

He made that noise again. It was definitely a displeased sound, but she was coming to like it a lot. “And whose going to watch out for you? You’ll be a distraction.”

“I’ve been watching out for myself for years! I’ll be fine,” Grey said brightly, wandering in and out of the tables. “I can’t say the same for you, though. What with all the shooting and punching and stuff.”

“Part of the job description, Darlin,’” he said, coming around the tables to intercept her. “That and protecting everyone that can’t fight. And you're best protected being completely out of the line of fire. Namely, here.”

“That’s sweet! But I’m going. If I’m there, I can make sure more of you make it back,” she said. His idea was actually really, really sweet, but they didn’t have time for sweet.

“Plenty of us will make it back, and we’ll be victorious!” Sarge exclaimed. “Yes, losing Grif will be sad, but we’ll get over it by celebrating Locus’ and Felix’s ultimate demises! And everyone in the capital will be saved, too. It’s really a win/win/win thing.”

Grey giggled. “Oh, my,” she said. “Well, if I’m there, I can save Grif, too, and then everybody wins!”

“Really, you shouldn’t waste your talents on that worthless ass,” Sarge said, leaning against a table. “Seriously, it’s time. The cosmic joke has run it’s course, and now it’s time for us to move on. Get a new orange guy. Simmons says there some potential replacements with the Newbs. Besides, God owes me.”

“Oh, really? And what does God owe you for?” Grey asked. “Protecting me?”

“Of course! Letting even one hair on your head get damaged would be unforgivable!” Sarge declared.

“So I’ll be with your team! Perfect!” Grey said. She couldn’t get over how perfectly chivalrous he was being. And dashing, he was definitely dashing. A white space knight, to be sure. Minus the arguing, of course.

“Wait, what?”

“Well, I am going, so where better to be able to protect me other than with you?” Grey said in that way that was totally reasonable, yet he was sure there was something not completely right with what she just said.

“I suppose,” he said growled slowly.

“Wonderful!” Grey said, getting right up in his personal space. Happy he was agreeing, she came up with an idea to show him her ‘favor.’ “Could you make that noise again?”

“Um… What?”

“That growl thing. Do that again.”

“Why?”

“Just do it,” she commanded, taking off her helmet.

Sarge growled, because this was a huge left turn, and he wasn’t done arguing his point about her staying here. Grey cocked her head, as if she was analyzing the sound. He once again noticed she had very pretty curly hair. It was hard not to notice when it was almost up his air intake. He decided it would indeed be unforgivable for it to be damaged.

“Okay, so it’s not the auditory filter. Take off your helmet and do it again,” she commanded.

“As much as I love a good experiment, this is not the time or place-” Sarge started.

“This will really just go quicker if you just listen to me,” Grey said in that reasonable tone.

“Gur rrrh gur er,” Sarge grumbled under his breath, taking off the helmet and obediently growling. And maybe pouting. Definitely staring disapprovingly. Grey shivered slightly, but dismissed it.

“Perfect!” Grey said, actually leaning on him and standing on her toes, her ear aimed at his mouth.

“It might go quicker if you told me what you think I’m doing,” Sarge said, blushing a little. “Then we can get back to why you’re staying,” he continued, trying to get back on track. “We don’t have time for this.”

“Oh, yes, of course!” she said. And then she put her hands on his shoulders, bounced up, and kissed him. Just a quick peck, but it was enough for Sarge’s little blush to spread to his whole face. ““All knights need the favor of a lady to give you a little luck.”

“Erem, well,” Sarge said, swallowing hard and bringing his hands up to her waist. He had no idea what this knight business was about, but he wasn't above taking a little advantage of it. “If a little kiss is a little luck, then I suppose, a longer kiss would logically bring even more luck.”

“Oh, definitely,” Grey said, smiling as she stretched back up. She then proceeded to give him all the luck he could handle.


	3. Wait, What?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Grif, thinking he's probably going to die, needs to get something off his chest to Carolina. Thinking he's maybe right about the dying thing, Carolina takes a moment to loosen up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edited to flow better. Its definitely longer, at any rate. 
> 
> I'm still horrible to these characters. This is a slow burn, even if it doesn't seem like it now.

“Okay, we’re good?” Carolina asked. She looked at her little brother, wishing she could ask Epsilon about his vitals. She still had trouble getting over how calm he was right before battle, how serious he was so much of the time. She had let go of the past, but he was a constant reminder that letting go didn’t fix everything.

“As good as we’re going to get,” he replied, trying not to pace. Nothing about this was good, but it was the best they could do, and as Tucker pointed out, this was just how the former simulation troopers did things. Overwhelming odds with little to no chance of success? Bring it.

“Ahem,” Grif cleared his throat, and both Freelancers looked up, surprised. “Um, Wash, could I talk to Carolina for a second?”

“Sure, go ahead,” Wash said with a shrug.

“I meant alone,” Grif went for annoyed, but a little bit of nerves leaked in, and he cussed mentally.

“Oh-ka-ey,” Wash said, feeling his eyebrow rising. He leaned closer to Carolina. “Don’t hurt him. We need everyone for this to work,” he whispered loudly.

“Riiiight,” Carolina replied aloud. “I’ll leave him in one piece.”

Grif made a nervous sound as Wash walked past. “She’s mostly kidding,” he said, taking the path Grif had came in on.

“Thanks,” Grif muttered, thinking he liked Wash better when he was being a melodramatic prick. He approached her slowly, ready to duck. He stopped several feet away. “So, uh, about taking the laser rifle back? I just wanted to apologize if I actually hurt you or anything.”

“You mean, if I was offended because you got an erection and rubbed it all over me to get your gun back?” Carolina asked archly.

“Well, yeah,” Grif admitted. “I really didn’t mean to, I mean, the whole boner thing wasn’t, well, I couldn’t control it.”

“So, what, it was somehow my fault?” Carolina asked. “You could have backed off and let me look at it, you know.” Grif stiffened up, his shoulders getting straighter, and Carolina mentally reviewed her statement. “I meant the laser rifle,” she clarified, annoyed.

“You were going to take it apart!” Grif exclaimed, throwing his hands up. “And you were the one tickling my thigh! God damnit, I come here to apologize before we all die, and this is the thanks I get!” He turned to leave.

“Grif, stop,” she said, trying not to laugh. “I’m sorry. I know you didn’t mean to, I just… I guess Church is rubbing off on me a little."

“Well, okay then,” Grif said, somewhat mollified. “So, yeah, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to rub my boner on you.”

“Apology accepted,” Carolina said, walking toward him. “It was actually kind of flattering, in a way.”

“So we’re okay now?” Grif said, actually sighing in relief. “Wait, it was?”

“Well, yes. I mean, it’s been a while since anyone actually noticed me like that. Except Tucker.” Carolina shrugged. “And despite what everyone says, we do like being noticed now and then.”

“Um, yeah, no, definitely not just Tucker. I’m pretty sure every guy here that wants to has already checked out your ass,” Grif said offhandedly.

“Really?”The annoyed tone was back, but Grif was too relieved she didn’t seem to be mad at him to hear it.

“Yeah. It’s a nice ass.”

“Grif, when was the last time you talked to a woman?” Carolina asked, “Because I’m not sure you ever have.”

Grif mentally over what he just said, and visibly cringed, but his pride wouldn’t let that stand. Especially given her misspeak about the gun. “And now I’m sorry about saying that, too. And yes, I’ve talked to women before. Kimball was my commanding officer, and I never put my foot in my mouth around her.”

“You sure about that?” Carolina asked archly.

“Yeah, I am,” Grif said. “I left that crap to Tucker. He’s totally crushing on her.”

“If we survive this, remind me to send her my sympathies,” Carolina said drolly, cringing inside at the memory of every bad pick up line Tucker had ever thrown at her.

“I know, right?” Grif said. “There’s a guy who’s probably never been laid. He’s completely clueless, I swear.”

“I thought he slept with--” Carolina started, but Grif’s posture, which had been relaxing, tensed back up. “Never mind.”

“Hey, as far as I’m concerned, my sister is alive, and Tucker is a virgin,” Grif stated firmly. “You will never be able to convince me otherwise.”

“Is there something wrong with that? Being a virgin, I mean,” Carolina asked, completely annoyed with him for saying that. And with them for spending time chattering when they needed to be getting ready to go on a tight timeline. And with herself because her sexual activity status never bothered her, but here she was, annoyed anyway.

“Um, not if he wanted to be,” Grif said, shrugging. “But since he likes to talk such a big game, yeah, that’s a problem.”

“Well, I’m glad we got that cleared up,” Carolina said.

Grif’s head tilted slightly, confused. “Why? We talk shit about each other all the time. That’s not even a biggy.” He paused, running his words back, but had no idea where he went wrong. “Did I insult you somehow?” He asked, taking a shuffled step back.

“It just sounded like you were just bad mouthing virgins in general,” Carolina shrugged, hoping he didn’t put things together. Hell, she shouldn’t have even answered, just ordered him back to the cliff.

“Why be insulted about that… Oh, shit. Are you a…” Grif blinked hard under his helmet, desperate to not get punched in the mouth, but completely, probably fatally, curious. “Didn’t Wash say you had a boyfriend in Project Freelancer?”

“York,” she acknowledged. “But it never got past making out a few times. The Director was very…vigilant about our interpersonal relationships.” She wasn’t sure why she was still talking, let alone about York. Or her lack of experience. What in the hell was she doing? Thinking seemed to have temporarily stalled.

“Wow. Um, no offense, but if I were your boyfriend, they would have had to throw me out an airlock to keep my hands off you. This York guy must have been a fucking saint.” Grif said, disbelief and a hint of admiration in his voice. But this line of conversation needed to end now, or it was going to end, probably rightly, with her beating the shit out him. He checked the clock on his display. “Shouldn’t we be heading back?” he asked nervously when she didn’t respond.

Carolina was just staring at him. She knew she was, but part of her was laughing at the idea of York being a saint, and the other part agreeing completely that he was, and it was freezing her. And all that other stuff was actually really nice, too, if a little crude. It had been a while since she had allowed herself to goof off like this. It was just really surprising it was with, well, Grif.

Grif shifted nervously. “Okay, well, I’m headed back,” he said, turning. He had taken a step back up the path when he felt her hand on his shoulder, and stopped cold.

“So, um, you think we’re all going to die?” she asked.

He looked back over his shoulder. “I’m sure you’ll be fine. I’m the one that’s going to die there.”

She nodded, and pulled him back. She heard him sigh as he turned around, and smiled, even though he couldn’t see it. “Normally, I’d let you buy me a drink as thank you for all your kind words, but since you’re going to die, I’ll have to do something else,” she said. She couldn't even believe she was doing this. Quickly, before she lost her nerve, she took off her helmet and hooked it over her magnum on her hip.

It was Grif’s turn to stare. She was actually really pretty, beautiful even, with the bright red hair, and those eyes. He had never seen eyes that color green. “Yeah, your boyfriend was a saint or an idi-” he was cut off as she took advantage of his surprise to raise his helmet up most of the way and give him a kiss. His eyes got huge, and he went stiff as a board. He damn near dropped his beloved gun. By the time his free hand was reaching up to rest on her waist, though, she had lowered his helmet back down and snapped it in place.

His boner was totally back. He began thinking of all the ways he could die today, trying to get it back into check. He lowered his hand as she quickly put her own helmet back on, forgetting to step back as she did. He had to swallow three times before his brain kicked back in. “Wow,” he finally said, and she laughed. He wasn't sure he had ever heard her laugh, either, but it was a good laugh.

“Thanks,” she said. “Let’s get back. We can’t keep them waiting.”


	4. Unresolved

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Simmons nearly takes Wash's head off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A version of it is the prologue to 'Needs.'

CRACK! Wash ducked as the rock wizzed over his head. He turned and watched as it bounced off the path he had just come back up. The sound of another ricochet had him ducking again as another rock bounced off a boulder and went flying by where his head had been. “Hey, watch it!” he yelled, coming around the curve. 

“Sorry!” Simmons called. “Maybe if you hadn’t just left me- Oh.” 

Wash stopped short, and the two men stared at each other. The tension multiplied exponentially. Both were very aware that they were alone, and less than ten steps separated them. That their last 'encounter' had been confused, even more than the first. That they were in the open. That something wasn’t finished between them yet. And that there was no time for anything. 

Wash didn’t know exactly how long they stood there staring at each other, but he was shocked when Simmons suddenly stalked across those ten steps and yanked him forward by his chestplate so their helmets touched. “Don’t. Die,” he ground out, like he was talking through his teeth. Before Wash could respond, Simmons dropped him, turned, and stalked back toward the gas station. 

“Same to you,” he said over a secure line to Simmons. There wasn’t a response, and he didn’t expect one. He stood there for a few more seconds, trying to sort out what he was feeling. He was still conflicted when he went off to find Tucker and Caboose.


	5. Hearing Things

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Donut warms up for the battle by throwing rocks off a cliff. Lopez is there, too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slightly edited. Will probably be edited more.

“I wish Doc was here,” Donut said. “Then he’d be able to see me in action again!” The lightish red soldier was throwing rocks off the cliff, warming up for the big fight.

 _“No, he wouldn’t,”_ Lopez said in broken Spanish. _“We’d probably bring the crazy woman and forget him. Again.”_

Donut tilted his head, trying to catch the words. He hated that, not being able to actually understand Lopez most of the time. It was bad enough when his auditory implants did work, because his voice was so deep, but they’d been buzzing since the first battle with Locus. Not enough for him not to actually hear right, but deep tones and quiet volumes were difficult right now. And Lopez mumbled.

“You’re right, Lopez. He loves watching me in action, but he hates fighting,” he finally settled on. He always felt a little like a failure on the translations. He was the one with high school Spanish, after all. But most of the time, he was guessing, and he knew it. But he’d die of shame if the other’s found out.

 _“Quit trying to understand me, stupid,”_ Lopez said. The robot didn’t know why he was hanging with the dumb one. Oh, wait, that’s right, the mean stupid one was losing a fight to Doctor Grey. And then he was going to be unbearable, even more than normal.

Lopez hated his life.

Donut missed Doc. Not often, but when he was alone, he missed him. The guys had been great about him being into guys, especially Simmons, but Doc actually understood. Their time in Valhalla had been so good, it had been natural to not go to Blood Gulch with the others, and stay there with Doc. They had learned so much from each other, and had been happy. But he had disappeared during the fight with Locus, and apparently, neither side had him. He had just vanished into thin air. And the other's didn't seem to realize he was gone. So he pretended, too, because pointing it out would just make things hard.

Sometimes, he would pretend Doc was there, talking to him. Sometimes, he pretended Lopez was Doc, and had whole conversations with the missing medic. Served the robot right for calling him stupid.

He hoped wherever Doc was, he was safe. Because it may be a long time before they could try to find him. After all, they had a planet to save. 


	6. Nope Nope Nope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You know that feeling of horror when, as a teenager, you realize exactly what your parents having sex probably means, and you need the brain bleach? 
> 
> Well, you won't need it for this, but Tucker, Simmons, and Grif apparently do.

Wash found the other Blues waiting with Donut, Lopez, and Simmons at the gas station. “Where are Sarge and Doctor Grey?” he asked as he approached the group. It was weird how different it was being in a group with Simmons, like nothing had changed. He dismissed the thought as quickly as it had entered his head. They had a battle they needed to focus on, not their complicated sex life. 

“They’re still in the station, I think,” Tucker said as Grif and Carolina came up behind them. 

“Well, they need to get out here. We’re out of time,” Carolina said.

“Well, neither of them are answering their radios,” Simmons said. “I’ve already tried.”

“And you didn’t go in to get them?” Carolina asked.

“I’ll do it!” Donut volunteered. “Come on, Lopez!” The brown robot muttered something in Spanish, but followed the lightish red soldier up the hill.

“I’ll go too,” Caboose said, running to catch up. Wash and Tucker both made noises to try to stop him, but the three were already disappearing into the dark building. 

“We don’t need this,” Wash muttered. He took a step toward the building, when the incomprehensible shouts started. The remaining group ran into the store, weapons up. 

Caboose and Lopez were already coming out of the back quickly. “Caboose, what the hell is going on back there,” Tucker asked. Lopez said something none of them understood as he blew past them all to get outside. 

“Well, Sarge and Doctor Grey’s talk must have been really stressful, because I think she had a tongue attack.” Caboose said.

“What do you mean, had a tongue attack?” Tucker said. “Do you mean heart attack?”

“Well, they both had their helmets off, and he was holding her so she wouldn’t fall down, and his mouth was covering hers,” Caboose said. Grif nearly dropped his gun again. “So her tongue must have attacked her mouth, and Sarge was doing battle with it!” Simmons hands went to face, and both Wash and Carolina went still, their brains just not processing that information. 

“Bow chicka bow wow?” Tucker said slowly. Donut, Sarge and Grey chose that moment to come up from the back, all of them thankfully wearing their helmets. Grey‘s hand was resting on the inside of Sarge’s forearm. 

“Are you two sure? I’ve got a theme already. How about ‘A Picnic In Red?’ It will be outdoors at sunset-” Donut was rambling, and totally confirming Grif’s, Tucker’s, and Simmons’ momentarily worst fears. 

“Donut, if, and that’s very big if, I ever decide to get married, you will be the third person to know,” Sarge said, fake upset and disturbing happiness mixing in his tone. “But right now, we’ve got a war to stop, and murderous mercenaries to kill!” Doctor Grey giggled, and Grif’s gun hit the floor. “Captain Grif, that is no way to treat experimental alien weaponry!” Sarge barked, and Grif quickly picked it back up, still shellshocked. “We can’t have you breaking you weapons when we’ll be in charge of making sure Doctor Grey remains safe.” 

Carolina managed to find her voice. “So, she’s going with you?” she asked, pointedly looking at where they were touching. 

Sarge and Grey ignored the look if they saw it. “Oh, yes,” Grey said, her voice full of alarming amounts of enthusiasm. “That way, I can make sure the most people can benefit from emergency medical treatment. And give Simmons and Grif instruction on the most damaging places to hit the bad guys!” Those two reds groaned in unison, tuned, and walked out. 

Tucker followed them closely. “This is bullshit. I can’t believe Sarge is getting more action than me,” he grumbled to Donut, who followed him.

“Don’t worry, if we survive this, I’m sure there’ll be no end to the action, Tucker,” Donut replied. “Everybody loves heroes.” 

‘We’re all going to die,” Wash said as the five of them followed the others out to the clear spot in front of the gas station. One final check of their supplies, and they were ready.  
It was time to save the world.


End file.
